It's been about six months since I've posted in this blog, and much has happened since then. But this blog is the only blog I have that remains somewhat private, so I need to write this here.
I moved to the bluff in April of 2010 because my Mom and Dad lived here; Mom was sick with COPD and I wanted to spend what time there was left with her. Well, it seems as though we've come to the end. I'm sad, but I've had some kind of strange peace settling over me and holding me together for the past several days now.
Mom came home a week ago Friday in an ambulance, and we were all introduced to Hospice nurses later that evening. It was hard, especially since the woman who was assigned to us was a larger lady who we couldn't find an acceptable chair for. She was also a bit on the crude side, using humor that wasn't necessarily proper for a new patient who would just be becoming associated with the hospice service.
So, now it's been a week, and it's all becoming this long, drawn out, nightmare. Mom is fighting getting better. She could get better, but for some reason she's rejecting the idea. She's becoming enamored with ativan, a drug to fight anxiety attacks for when she has trouble breathing. It's not an addiction, but when she takes one at the lowest dose it knocks her out for crazy amounts of time! Ugh!
Today (which is two days out from when I first started this post) she was a lot better. I know that they say that people have one good rally before they pass away and I'm really hoping that this isn't hers. I spent the whole day sick yesterday with something fairly insignificant, and wound up having to wear a mask and stay away from her for the most part today. She was kinda like her old self though, and it was nice to see her again.
I miss her...the regular old Mom.
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